A Prince, A Shayman, And A Hell Of An Outrage
by MagykalIndianFrog
Summary: this is a tale of a journy through time and space. it is in fact, a tale of how our well loved Vince met Naboo, the young shaman.
1. Chapter 1

**A Prince, A Shaman, And A Hell Of An Outrage **

Hello all, this is my first ever story, so I hope you enjoy.

This is a story about how Naboo met our well loved Vince. It's a story of heartbrake, terror, and deep emotional issues between the two. No, im kidding. I just thaught this story might be a laugh.

**Vince's POV**

"Vince, can you at least explain why your late to work? Again?" Howards already tiny eyes narrowed to a point where they looked like the holes on my brand new belt. My mind wandered to my new studded belt… then I snapped out of it, thinking fast.

"Come on Howard, give me a break, I was up all of last night playing online poker with a small bear." I invented wildly. The look on Howard's face said it all.

"Don't give me that crap Vince, the bear in this zoo hates online poker, and besides, you don't even own a computer." I looked down at my feet. Then I noticed (yet again) how nice my shoes were. For a second I was lost in their shiny brilliance, until Howard interrupted my rocket cowboy boot daydream with a click of his fingers.

"Hey pretty boy, do some work like the rest of us, huh?"

I sighed and left the storage area.

Life at the zooniverse was great, I had friends, style, hair, style, more pay than Howard, style… and that was just off the top of my head. I just felt that my life needed some more magic, you know? I caught sight of my reflection in a window.

"Actually, that's pretty magical." I mumbled to myself, touching up the hair that had fallen out of place while I was walking. Then I was poked on the back by a large bald man in a cloak. He had some style. "I like the cloak mate, you get that from, top shop? But what are you doing with your hair? Let it grow and just apply a bit of root booster…"

"You work here, yes?" asked the strange yet somehow well dressed man. I nodded. "Then take me to the head office, I need to speak with the manager."

"Ok, but me and you should hang out some time, can I get your number?" I took out a piece of paper and a pen from the pocket on my skinny jeans. I noticed my shoes again and smiled. The bald man dismissed this, but before he could continue, I piped up again. "So, what's your name? You wanna get a bagel or something? I haven't had lunch, I'm starving!"

This guy was obviously annoyed by now. "NO. I do not want to, as you say, 'hang out' now take me to the head office and leave me in peace!" I mumbled my agreement. What a jerk.

**Howards POV**

Vince is such a lazy slacker. It wasn't fair that he was paid more then I am. I grumbled my angst under my breath as I swept the food storage floor.

"bobby bob bob bob here!" yelled a startling voice. I groaned and mouthed a silent 'oh no'. "hey Howard, where's Vince?" asked none other than the notorious bob fossil.

"oh, he's out doing some real work for once" I replied, then laughed at my joke. What? I was nervous.

"Shut up Howard you bitch!" He screamed. I stood there startled. "yeah, you heard me, you're a nasty little bitch, so get back to work." I was in a bit of shock there. What the hell brought that on?

"Whoops!" yelled bob as he kicked a bag of animal feed upside down. Grain scattered all over the floor, and I grumbled angrily to myself as he left. Now I had to start work all over again. Nobody ever did that to Vince.

**Bob Fossils POV**

God, Howard is such a whiney little bitch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 of this amazing story-**

**Adjectives and Monkey plans**

**A quick thanks to my best friend (jessynoir) who broke into my house and helped me type this story. Partially. ****I'm still**** the genius behind the work.**

**Bob Fossils POV**

I stepped into my office. A tall, tall, and erm… tall man stood there. I'm no good at adjectives. He wore a long dark blue cloak, but seeing as I'm phrasing this in a detective-movie type scenario, nothing has any colour. Wait, where did all the colour go? I opened my eyes. There it was. I realised the last paragraph was all just my imagination.

There was nothing in my office. I sat down on my chair in front of my desk. I had done nothing today. Apart from hassling Howard moon. What a bitch.

A tall man walked into my office "ahhh! It's another imagination attack!" I yelled, hiding as fast as I could. Really I just had my hands over my face, but I knew nobody could see me when I'm hiding this well.

"Be calm, man of the zoo." Spoke the tall man. "I am here to make a purchase. My newest addition to the family of shaman. He needs a familiar, I need an animal of your zoo. A tall, strong, and bold creature."

I was jealous. He was good at adjectives.

"Well, we could sell you an animal. We have a mini squashed up hairy boy with hand feet that's giving me trouble. You can have it for free." I said, still terrified. It wasn't really giving me trouble, I just wanted the tall man to go away.

The tall man grinned and let out a tall man laugh. God, I am really bad at adjectives. "Alas! A gorilla! What finer a familiar for a young shaman!" boomed the tall man.

I panicked, that gorilla was Vince noir's friend… and Vince noir was my love muffin. I can't upset him. "Wait, you can't have it!" I yelled. Startling him.

"Then you have not heard the last of Dennis, head of the shaman!" he jumped up, swooping his cape and disappearing out of the office door.

"freak." I yelled when he was gone. After he was gone and I had stopped shitting my blue pants I turned on my tape and danced. Reminiscing (big words are scary. I just shit my pants again) about big leg, I hummed "I hate whites." happily in my head, forgetting about the Dennis and the hairy baby face man.

**Vince's POV**

"…Yeah and 'is cloak was genius" I continued before getting sidetracked by what I was looking at.

"Vince, it's really hard to listen to you when you keep stopping half way through your sentences to talk about your hair for half an hour before talking again." Howard said from behind me. I could tell something was bothering him, because he usually dosent mind me talking about my hair for half an hour.

"Howard, what's wrong?" I asked, genuinely concerned. He said he didn't want to talk about it. I was persistent. Whatever that means. Hey, Howards the smart one.

"well… bob fossil came in today, and-"

"hold onto that thought Howard, my hair just went limp." Howard sighed, but my hair was more important than his emotional state at the moment. For a guy that likes bright colours and glitter, I was sure using some big words today.

About 2 hour passed before I was done with my hair. It finally boosted up again. I marvelled at my own hair, turning my head, admiring my handy-work from every aspect. I'd really out done myself today.

"You done, or are you going to spend another two hours on your hair?" Howard really did sound annoyed now.

"Ok Howard, I'm looking good and I'm ready to listen." He looked cautious, like whether to really tell me how he was feeling.

**Howard's POV**

Vince had everything. Looks, personality, more pay, style and girls. Even miss Gideon preferred him, the electro poof. And she was supposed to be a books and trumpets kind of woman.

I didn't really want to tell him I was jealous of his life… he would just laugh in my face like every other cruel person here. Nobody cared for me. I was Howard moon, a faceless and apparently emotionless shadow, when I was with Vince. He had the limelight, and I was left with nothing.

"Howard?" he asked, he sounded caring, and it slipped me up for a second, because I really believed that he cared. But only for a second.

"You don't really care Vince, just go do your hair or something."

"why, what's wrong with it?" he was panicking now. I sighed. I would usually laugh at Vince freaking over his hair, but I wasn't in the mood.

**Saboo's POV**

"he wouldn't give you the gorilla?" I asked, almost happily. We needed new shaman, but Naboo was going a bit far. How I hated his smug grin. Always on the weed, the little bastard. And now he didn't have a familiar? Perfect. I just needed to keep it that way.

"Yes," spoke Dennis, head shaman. "That's why the heist starts tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm such a great writer, so here's chapter 3**

**A Bladder And An Allergic Reaction**

**For the reference, I wrote this one all by myself. No help. Im proud, deal with it.**

**Vince's POV**

Howard really was acting strange, I mean, he lied to me about my hair! How could he? I spent 2 whole hours on fixing it… anyway, there was a lot of tension in the zoo at the moment. I was with my favourite animal in the whole zoo, (a young gorilla named Bollo) when a man in a black cloak and a hat was arguing with the pink thing he was carrying under his arm.

"You absolute plum duff. I am not getting you an ice-cream. We came here for a mission. Observation is everything, so shut up and leave me to work." The man in the black cloak spoke arrogantly. What was with all the jerks in cloaks at the moment?

I was a little surprised when the pink thing answered back.

"Oh, right sunshine. You've always had it out for me, and now you won't even go for a quick ice-cream? This, I dare say, is an outrage." They walked off grumbling at each other as I cleaned the gorilla enclosure. They backtracked, staring at Bollo like he was everything.

Some interesting individuals. I would have asked for their numbers if I wasn't working.

**Saboo's POV**

Why had Dennis lest me with this incompetent bladder? We had argued all the way here ("Saboo you slag") and had a lot of arguments about transportation ("I come with a papoose") and now he wanted ice-cream? We were on a mission!

The heist was very important. If I could just muck it up, there's no way Naboo could ever become a shaman. Dennis had hid mind set. We had to have this gorilla, or nothing.

"Can I help you?" asked a small man with funky hair, who was obviously staff. He was smiling as he said "id like to get your numbers if you don't mind, you two look like a pair of interesting individuals." I wasn't impressed.

"I don't socialise with people of your standard."

"When your with me, you do you slag! Now get this guys number. I get along well with this type." Tony spoke up from under my arm. I once again regretted volunteering for this.

"Well I don't-"

"Here you go, this is the home number" he said before I got the chance to turn him down. I took the slip of paper "catch you guys later." He walked off.

"Nice going tony, socialising with the enemy? You're an idiot."

"You and I don't see eye to eye sunshine. All part of my strategy."

I sighed and kept walking. These plans never worked out.

**Bob Fossil's POV**

I was dancing in my office when there was a knock on the door. I ignored it and continued my practice on the screaming ocelot. I had my hand to the back of my head when the door opened unexpectedly. A man in a hat stepped into my office. He was old and creepy looking. It was scary.

"oohhh, what you doin' you barmy geezer?" his cockney accent worried me. I was allergic to cockney accents. "I'm 'ere to 'andle some un-finished business I 'ave wi' a couple o' geezers what left me stranded in the forest. Oohhh the pain, oohhh, the agony what it put me through. Im 'ere to slice 'em an' make a pie outa them intestines what of theirs."

By this time I was swelling up. I couldn't answer back.

"Fine, I'll just find 'em meself, and for your unkindly lack of co-operation, once im done, ill come back to bleed yer!"

My swelling went down as he left. What was with all the scary people coming into my office recently? I would put the blame on Howard moon. That would teach that little bitch.

**Howard's POV**

I had become angry with Vince for no good reason. It wasn't his fault people liked him. I had sent him to go clean the gorilla enclosure. I was on my way to apologise, when an extremely rude man in a black cloak barged past me. He was holding what looked like a bladder. Then I thought; that's just what Vince would describe as an 'interesting individual'.

I ran the rest of the way to the gorilla enclosure, thinking so loud I was sure people could hear my thoughts. 'Im sorry Vince. Im so sorry' was all I could hear. My heart pounding, I slipped out from behind the reptile house, seeing the gorilla enclosure.

Vince was laughing. Laughing. After I had yelled at him to leave, he was just happily chatting with Bollo, the gorilla. A dark shadow played about my face. Nobody cared about me. Even Vince. I could easily be replaced to him. If I left, he would just have that gorilla for a companion. I swore revenge that day. And nothing was going to stop me.

**Vince's POV**

I heard a clunk from behind the reptile house. I turned around to see a hurt- looking Howard depart the scene. I was still remembering the way he had yelled at me to get out earlier, and I was upset at the fact he didn't trust me.

I know I looked happy, I always did… But I was hurting on the inside.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Grunted Bollo the gorilla. I smiled at him, not wanting to be awkward.

"Don't worry, I know it will be fine." I said. But the only thing is…

I diddn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know you want more, so here's chapter 4 (heheh, I did a rhyme)**

**The Heist**

**Ooh- tension! **

**Saboo's POV**

It had become dark, and we were ready to go. Me, Dennis, Kirk and (unfortunately) Tony Harrison were at the ready on the magic carpet. Staring into space, Kirk was virtually the main part of the plan. He was so whacked out he had no idea he was even part if the heist. I grabbed him, dangled from the carpet with Dennis gripping my feet. I let him down gently on the zoo pathway.

A couple of idiots on the night shift noticed Kirk, and ran over to him. I smiled. I recognised one of them as the electro poof whose number I got earlier. The other looked like his dad. They were so busy trying to snap Kirk out of his heroine-induced trance, that they didn't notice us swoop over the gorilla enclosure and steal its inhabitant.

I was miffed. Now Naboo was going to be a member of the shaman family, and he had a gorilla familiar to boot.

**Howard's POV**

"I don't get it, what's this kid on?" Vince moaned. We couldn't get the blonde young man to communicate in any way. I was still hurting from earlier, but fossil had put us on night shift, and Vince was scared of the dark. Don't get me wrong, I was annoyed at him, but I still cared about him.

"we tried everything. Lets get him back to the hut so he can sit down. Maybe he will snap out of it if we leave him for a while." I said in an emotionless voice. Vince looked concerned. More with the boy than anything, but I think that Gary Numan 2 over here might have picked up on my tone.

We took the poor kid to the hut. We lived here, in this hut on the zoo grounds. It was peaceful. Then we noticed, the place was trashed.

**Vince's POV**

What the hell happened here? I was speechless. So, it seemed, was Howard.

My whole alter dedicated to McJagger was smashed up. I yelled out in shock and fell to my knees in agony at the ruined place of worship. Howard was going through his jazz collection. It was all broken splinters. I felt a twinge of pain on his behalf, he had really liked his jazz.

He sat the small child on the sofa. I noticed the green spray paint on the walls.

'THE HITCHER' it said in huge green letters. What looked like polo's were glued to the wall.

"Hey, Howard, look. Free polo's!" I popped one in my mouth and then spat it out again. It had been glued to the wall… there was glue on the back of it. No wonder it tasted nasty. He rolled his eyes at me. "don't worry, their not good to eat anyway."

Then he noticed the spray paint. "the hitcher…" he mumbled. His eyes widened. "we have to get out of here." I clued on.

After we had the hitcher attacked by animals In the forest, he had said he would track us down and make pies out of our intestines. Howard was right, we really needed to get out of here.

We picked up the kid and ran to our van. Howard jumped into the driver's seat. "hurry up!" he yelled back at me. I chucked the kid into the back seat, and got into the passenger.

"Wait, I have to get Bollo!" I yelled. A strange look formed on Howard's face, and it worried me. I ran to get my gorilla buddy, but all I found in the enclosure was a note. With no time to read it and panic running through me, I picked it up and legged it back to the van.

We drove away that night. Terrified and with nothing but a strange child druggie in our possession, we hoped to find a safe place until we hear news of the Hitcher's downfall.

Or we find Bollo.

**Bob Fossil's POV**

I watched as Vince and Howard drove away in their van. Who the hell was that child they had? Was Vince a mommy?

I wonder where they were going… so late at night. Well, wherever they were going, they weren't getting paid this week. Well, Vince would get paid.

My mind still reeling from the tall man and the hat man, I was worried. Was all this somehow linked? I doubted it, but all the same I feared for my little Vincey love muffin.

**So, what will happen next? Will they find bollo? Will the hitcher catch them? Will Howard ever get paid? Find out next time on : the author is always right!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I know you love it- chapter 5 (I feel like bob fossil right now)**

**A Letter And A New Shaman**

**Not much action, but a first sighting of Naboo everyone! Enjoy.**

**Vince's POV**

Ok, so what if my home had been ruined, and I had absolutely no possession in my name? So what if I was abducting a small child and simultaneously being hunted by a psychopathic cockney? So what if I was on the run and my best friend hated me? My life was still perfectly on track. Ok, so maybe it wasn't.

It was dark and I was frowning out of the window when I realised I could see my reflection it. I smiled at my reflection, admiring my shiny teeth and layered hair.

Then I remembered Bollo.

I took out the note, looking it over. It said:

_Hey there sunshine, You gave me your number earlier and we didn't get to talk. I'm writing this in hope you remember me from this morning._

Only this morning? It felt like three mornings ago. wait, did that make sense?

_My name is Tony Harrison, and my slightly taller friend was Saboo. Oh, and he wont be happy I'm keeping in contact, so don't tell him. That guy is a slag. We took your monkey-arse friend for our new shaman- Naboo. I think you two would get along. I am a member of a shaman council, located notoriously in the black forest. In Canada. No, I'm yanking yer, were located in a highly unknown, secret forest just north of Leeds. I plan on calling as soon as i get a phone. and someone to dial for me. Come visit sometime. Hope to_

_contact you soon- Tony_

I was shocked. That pink bladder wasn't that clever for the amount he talks.

"Hey, Howard, look at this!" I laughed. He read it over, looked up, and the expression on his face was clear.

**Howard's POV**

I wasn't going after Bollo. Screw that gorilla freak. Ruin the only friendship I really had at the zoo. My face contorted in rage at the bright hope in Vince's eyes.

"right." I said, calming myself. "We hide in Portsmouth for a few months, then return to the zoo." Vince's smile faltered.

"But we have to get Bollo!" he cried "Portsmouth and Leeds are aged away! We go to the forest in north Leeds, rescue Bollo, dispose of the shaman creeps, and then go back to the zoo where Bollo's monkey strength can get rid of the hitcher."

Vince had obviously put a lot of thought into this. I had to admit- I was a little taken aback at the amount he wanted Bollo to be safe. so for the sake of Vince's feelings, and that alone, (personally, I wanted that monkey killed in this ceremony or whatever) I agreed. His face lit up and I almost smiled.

Almost.

**Bob Fossil's POV**

I was worried about Vince. He had been gone for a couple of hours, and I was hiding in a small race car. Ok, it was my bed. See, I'm cool. Do you have a race car bed Howard? I think not!

I had decided to follow the hat man. He seemed to know where to find them. I had asked him about it, and he said if I was silent for the whole journey, it would be fine; which was easy, seeing as every time he spoke my throat swelled up.

So I got out of the race car (my bed) and came to the hat man's truck.

"Ready, blue pants geezer?" he asked. I nodded, because A) he had told me not to speak. B) my throat just closed up

I crawled into passenger, and looked out the front window. Wherever you are vincy, I'm coming.

**Saboo's POV**

We had the gorilla. I was devastated. Naboo, that second-rate druggy was going to be on the board of shaman. and a gorilla familiar! i was slightly offended that Dennis

had never been through so much trouble for me.

Naboo stepped into view.

"Ahh, Naboo, I have been expecting you." spoke Dennis in his usual deep voice.

"Well, yeah. You did say around 8:00 right?" Naboo questioned. I mentally face-palmed. This joker has no idea.

"I have acquired you a familiar. A gorilla as such. Naboo, the enigma, meet your lifetime companion- Bollo, as he sais his name is to be."

The ape walked out from behind a bush. Hands tied, he stumbled across to naboo. "you may untie his hands" Dennis continued "as a sign of mutual trust and respect, and a form of bonding."

"By the way he's tied up, it looks more like a form of bond-"

"ENOUGH tony!" Dennis looked annoyed at the interruption." now untie his hands to prove your friendship." Naboo untied the ape's hands.

"Is that it?" asked Naboo

"You have walked the path of a shaman, young Naboo." He spoke solemnly.

"Glad that's over," piped up a certain Tony Harrison. "Because I invited a friend over. I think he's coming soon. You remember Saboo, that nice electro poof we were talking to in the zoo."

This time, i really did face-palm.

**Enjoying this much? Lol, come back for more next time, on; I am ****Always**** right!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I like the rain, so here you go- chapter 6-**

**The Hitcher's Van and a Game of Charades**

**I'd actually like to say thanks to the support I get from JessyNoir and BooshRocks. Sorry this took me a while to write- I just started school and I had some writers block. Anyway- enjoy**!

**Saboo's POV**

Gah! Its getting ridiculous. Naboo is on the board of shaman, tony Harrison has invited an electro poof to the ancient shaman council, and Dennis is just turning a blind eye on this? I would say it was an outrage, but I hate tony too much to do that right now. Naboo would never voluntarily discuss this matter with him, it was hard to find him when he was high enough to agree.

There was Naboo. I sidled up to him, his turban askew. He was obviously on the pot again.

"Hey Naboo, can I talk with you a moment?" I asked. He agreed, and I silently thanked that he had been on the weed. I led him to behind a tree, out of hearing range of the shaman board. "Now… YOU ARE GOING TO RESIGHN RIGHT NOW!" I yelled, clearly freaking him out.

"No way! I love being a shaman, it means you don't have to pay for weed, you can just summon some from thin air… anyway, me and Bollo are getting along great. I'll leave over my dead body."

"We may have to arrange something then." I said darkly.

His eyes widened and he was about to yell out when I gagged him with my hand. He bit me and I cried out in pain.

I eventually tied him up and left him hanging from the top of a tree. I put a silence curse on him. No speaking for the next few hours… I chuckled darkly. I would decide what to do with him and come back then.

**Howard's POV**

I was starting to worry myself. Bollo had actually been quite a good friend to me, yet I hated him for being so close to Vince. I wanted to vent my feelings, to tell Vince how I really feel… but I couldn't.

"You know Howard, that kid is starting to creep me out." Piped up Vince after about 2 hours of trying to do his hair in the side mirror. It was actually quite good considering he was doing this in a bumpy van. "I mean, what's he looking at?"

Howard chuckled darkly. "Nobody knows Vince, he was said to have come from a mysterious fourth dimension, and is a sexually deranged being on drugs."

"Your shitting me? That 8 year old kid?"

"Vince, it was just a joke… jeez…" I sighed mockingly. He laughed, a genuine laugh, and for the first time in a while, I laughed too.

Vince put a CD in the radio/boom box and we listened to Gary Numan for god knows how long.

**Bob Fossil's POV**

It had been a long day. I let out a long sigh at my long day. I really have to improve on my adjectives. The hat man had been silent the whole way, but being so close to a cockney made my system go all funny. My throat was still closed, but I was focusing on one thing and one thing only.

Finding Vince was more important than anything in my life. Even making sure Howard never got his pay check!

Suddenly, I noticed something. A van was just ahead of us. A van with boosh skulls painted down the sides and neon lightning patterns on it. Not to mention the Gary Numan blaring from its speakers. I knew immediately this was Vince's van, and I motioned towards the hat men.

I had nothing to write on, so I decided to use charades. I waved my arms in the air to get his attention. "What is it geezer?" he asked, clearly annoyed about the interruption. I put my hand on the back of my head and emitted a loud whining noise, and then I swung my feet around and fell upside-down. I put my hands to my shoulders and kicked the air, got up, did a Mexican wave and touched my hands to my nipples before deliberately smashing myself into the side window. "What the hell are you doing you barmy bastard?" he yelled, as if what I was trying to tell him wasn't obvious. I pointed out the front window. He clued on and smiled.

Somehow, I knew this wasn't good.

**Vince's POV**

I was elated. Howard didn't seem mad anymore. Well… he wasn't mad at me anyway. Who wouldn't be angry when their house had been trashed and their friend had been monkey- napped?

!CRASH!

wtf?

A large truck slammed into the side of them. It was large and green and… oh no. polo's.

"what the hell was that?" yelled Howard, barely keeping hold to the steering wheel. I strapped on my seatbelt, ready for a bumpy ride.

I took a peek from my passenger window. A scary, green, polo-obscured face shot me a crooked smile that was also somehow a glare from across the window, and frantically waving to me, next to him was… was that Bob Fossil? What the hell was going on round here?

"Hold on tight" muttered Howard. By the look on his face, he had obviously come up with a plan. Probably wasn't a very good one- but it was a plan all the same.

I held on to the handle above my window (you know that little bit of fabric just above the window that's supposed to be some kind of handle? No, nobody knows what I'm talking about…) and stayed silent, not wanting to break Howard's concentration.

I could see Leeds from here. So close… but now we were going to die by the hands of the Hitcher and what I believed to be Bob Fossil.

Suddenly, I remembered the kid in the back seat.

"Howard, slow down! I have an idea!" Howard just gave me a look that said; 'well, if you know what you're doing…' and slowed the van to a speed to match the Hitcher truck. I dragged the kid from the back seat (not that he noticed) and hung him out the window.

"What the hell Vince?" yelled Howard, referring to the fact I had an 8 year old child hanging out of a car window from the tips of my fingers. I saw the Hitcher's window open, and I took my chance. With all my strength (which wasn't actually much) I flung the kid over the road, and right through the Hitcher's window.

There was a yell of surprise from the other van and it veered off road. Seeing the Hitcher and the kid gone from their lives, Howard laughed, a loud, booming laugh that brought joy to the heart. It took a second to catch on why he was laughing- he was happy.

I smiled, beginning to laugh too. Once we had started, it was hard to stop. We continued to laugh, coming to an understanding. No words were said, no feelings expressed, but we had come to a mutual agreement. Howard was jealous, I knew it all along. I'm not a dumb as I let on you know.

Friends come and go, but Howard was family. As long as we had each other, it would be ok.

**Enjoy this much? I know, the saboo bit was a bit dark, but it all has a lot to do with the ending- no! This isn't the end! Even if it kind of sounds like it. Come back for more on; 'I'm a Genius and I'm Always Right!'**


	7. Chapter 7

**I Like Satsuma's- Chapter 7-**

**A Fight And A Terrible Loss**

**I wont be writing for the next couple of days- it s the weekend and I'm going to staying London for a mini holiday. Don't worry, ill be back soon ;)**

**Bob Fossil's POV**

Like ohmigod. We just got into a road war and now were stuck in a ditch and there's this creepy kid who is staring and he doesn't notice anything and I'm freaking out because Vince just drove away and were going to have to walk the rest of the way and… Well that's about it.

Ok, I'm calm now. The hat man is leading the way and he sais were going to get there soon. I can't wait to see my Vince. I've grown up so much and he's going to be so proud of me for coming here.

I can't think of much else- just that the hat man is as cockney as ever and its still terrifying. Now that I think of it, an allergy to cockney accents makes no sense what so ever.

I'm about to figure out what I'm thinking when we see Leeds up ahead.

"that way geezer" said the ha man with a bizarre and twisted smile. I was dreading what was going to happen next.

**Saboo's POV**

I was finally getting what I wanted. I had decided on putting more curses on Naboo and leaving him up there to starve. Then I heard voices.

"Come on Howard, its not that hard. Do you prefer shreddies or cheerios?"

The taller one was cringing. "Vince, I tell you were here to find Bollo. No more questions about cereal…" the man with the funky hair smiled. "And by the way, I prefer shreddies." Said the taller one again.

"I knew it" said funky hair, trying not to laugh.

Here on shaman land eh? I would teach them to accept Tony Harrison's invitation.

"Hello boys." I said, stepping out from behind the tree I was standing by. I took out a sword, ready to fight them of shaman ground.

**Howard's POV**

Oh great, we get into the forest to find Bollo after all that emotional crap and now we have to face a man with a sword?

"Is that a challenge, sir?" I asked, with all the dignity I could. He nodded slowly and advanced like a kestrel.

"Howard, I'm shit scared, do something!" I was panicking now. I had a sudden idea. "Shit Howard, get of my feet!" yelled a startled Vince as I dragged off his new super-chrome robot cowboy boot. Vince had clued on with what I was doing, and let me take it off fully.

I held it up to the opponent. He laughed in my face. Every time people had laughed at me… all that seemed like nothing compared to this stranger. He seemed to have some kind of weird hold over me at his laugh.

I was already sick of this joker. I threw the shoe right at his hands, and his sword crumbled like a stale rivita.

"No!" he yelled, and somehow made the glittery chrome show break in half. Like magic. He ran off into the night, screaming like a little girl.

"Ha-ha, nobody's a match for Howard moon!" I cried gleefully. "Right Vince? Vince?"

I turned around. There had been no noise since the fight had started. There was Vince, crumpled on the ground and out cold.

Mascara was streaked down his face, and then I realised why he has passed out. The shock of loosing his boot. I didn't agree, but those were his favourite boots. I suddenly felt guilty. He had sacrificed his best shoes for the purpose of me winning the fight and rescuing Bollo.

I knew I should help, but I didn't really know what to do. Why had I not watched more medical documentaries? All I could do is… no.

I am not doing that. But then again, I had to. Vince was in a coma and it was the only thing I could do to help him after the way he helped me. I knelt down, and sighed. I began CPR.

**Vince's POV**

I woke up alone on the forest floor. Where was Howard? He had won the fight, I had passed out, and he made the forest taste like orbit gum? Why the hell did the forest taste like orbit gum? Since when did forests taste like anything?

I was wondering why the forest didn't like juicy fruit when Howard returned.

"Hey Vince." He said, obviously glad I was awake.

"hey." I replied. "Where did you go?"

"I was looking for the council or whatever it was. I can't find it anywhere." He looked down sadly. I asked him what was bothering him. "I guess I just feel sort of bad for breaking your best shoes."

I laughed, and Howard looked startled. "Howard, its fine. And how about over there?" I pointed to a large flashing sign saying 'shaman council'.

"How the hell did I not see that?" mumbled Howard, clearly confused.

We ran over to the sign and followed under it.

"All right, sunshine?" asked a certain pink bladder. I waved, because I remembered him as the pink thing from the zoo. Come to think of it, that guy with the sword was his friend from the other day. Why did I not realise that before? If I had just told him I was that zoo staff guy, I would have never lost my shoe. I cursed quite loudly.

"We do not tolerate that kind of language here in the shaman council." Said a deep, booming voice. I turned around. Hey, It was that jerk in the cloak. Seeing it, I realised that he looked like Howard with no hair. "What have you done with young Kirk? The blonde child?"

Now I was shitting myself. Considering I had thrown him out of a van window, I didn't think we would be very welcome in the eyes of this cloak-wearing bastard.

**Ready for more? Not quite yet. I'm just going to leave you on this torturing cliff hanger. Come back for more next time on ; I'm a total genius and I am always right!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Best writer ever Sais: chapter 8-**

**The falling angel in blue pants**

**Nearly there, and you cant help but love this story, can you?**

**Vince's POV**

"He's right here." Said a cockney voice that could make a child weep.

We all turned around. There stood the Hitcher, child in hand. I gasped. How the hell did that car crash not kill him? And I couldn't help but wonder where Bob Fossil went… but there were more relevant matters right now- like the fact I had only one shoe on. People would think I was a glittery tramp! Anyway, I was shit scared.

"Ahh, you are a good man for bringing Kirk to us. These psychopathic freaks here have been put to shame in contrast of a saint like you." Spoke the shaman guy.

This guy obviously had no idea what was really going on.

"Saint? Ohh, I tell you sonny I have maimed many a good man, as for these two, it will be more like maiming gophers. Let me at them and ill slice 'em. Slice 'em and make gopher pie!"

The shaman guy was starting to get a clue. "Then, my good man, you shall return Kirk and duel me for rights of murder for these two." Ok, now I was really shitting myself. Literally. I was almost touching cloth.

I was about to ask if I could use a toilet when the fight broke out. Swords were flying everywhere. I didn't even know where this number of swords could come from. And what was up with guys in cloaks and swords anyway?

I was kind of hoping the shaman would win, and for me and Howard to be killed in a humane way. That was until he got stabbed. With my shoe.

I had absolutely no idea how, but the Hitcher had the heel of my shoe and the shaman impaled on the end of it. I looked down. No shoes on. Hey, at least I looked like a tramp, and not like some drunk girl who lost her shoe at a party.

We were going to die. And be turned into pie. Hey, I did a rhyme.

**Saboo's POV**

I had been beaten up by an electro poof and his dad, and my hand hurt like hell.

I was returning to the shaman council board to alert them when it looked like they had found out themselves.

There were swords all over the ground (since when had we stocked that many swords exactly?), the electro poof and his dad were standing around, looking dazed, and Dennis was impaled on the end of a shoe by a green man with a polo attached to his face. I'm a shaman, and even I think this is bizarre.

I ran over to Dennis. "What the hell is going on?" I yell at him, feeling angry and frustrated at him, but Dennis had already gone blank. I looked up to the man with the polo, and felt anger and resentment towards him.

He already had the zoo keepers backing away, arms in the air. I uncharacteristically feared for their safety. Oh look, at least Kirk was safe. This had to be the weirdest day of my life.

**Bob Fossil's POV**

Ok, I'm absolutely terrified beyond my wits. If I had any.

I'm hiding up a tree in hope that maybe if I'm quiet enough, the scary people will go away and Vince would be fine, and we could all just go back to the zoo and skip around like happy little dust bunnies and pretend none of this ever happened.

I knew things wouldn't work like that, but I could still hope, right? And this is where you say no and I get annoyed and it results in me shitting my blue pants and later resorting to dancing in my office to take my mind off things.

Sorry, I'm just stressed.

Suddenly, I saw Vince (oh, and Howard I suppose) backing up against the tree I was in, with the hat man coming at them with a knife. Or was it a sword? I couldn't tell. I worried for my Vince. Then I worried for me.

I was up so high, and if I fell without a break pad I would break my neck or something.

I was beginning to question the logic of hiding in a tree when scared, when I heard a small sound. Like a door being unlocked.

I turned around to see a small man in a cloak and a turban tied up in my hiding tree.

"SABOO YOU BALL BAG!" he yelled, scaring the shit out of me and my blue pants. I temporarily lost balance out of fright and fell right out of the tree.

**Howard's POV**

And none other than Bob Fossil fell out of the tree, and right onto the Hitcher.

I was startled at his sudden appearance, and relieved at the Hitcher's downfall. I sighed in relief.

"Fossil, you stupid genius!" yelled an elated Vince. He was clearly less shocked that Bob Fossil had fallen from the sky. "You saved us you- you- I can't think of a name for what you are!"

I assure you, I was just as happy to be alive as Vince was, just less expressive and a little comprehensive at the fact _Bob Fossil_ had saved us. This would be his excuse on why I don't get paid this week.

We lifted him off the Hitcher and helped him to his feet.

"Small man, tree, I… "He was about to say something more when we heard another voice from the tree.

"Are any of you ball bags gonna get me out of this tree, or do I have to get Dennis?" and guess who had to climb up there to get him down? That's right. Me.

After about half an hour of climbing a tree and helping a guy I'd never met, we managed to get the small man down.

"Naboo." He said, turning to Vince, not even registering my existence. But I didn't mind anymore.

"Vince. And nice turban by the way, you get that from top shop?"

I suppressed a laugh at the bizarre look the apparent Naboo gave Vince at that moment. It was half way between exasperation and amusement.

So me, Vince, Bob Fossil and Naboo walked back to the shaman board, and approached a smiling head shaman and a grumpy sword wielding bastard.

That moment, Bollo came out of nowhere and gave Naboo a hug. Then I understood. Well, not really, but I'd like to think I did. And then…

**The author leaves you on yet another cliff hanger! Mwhaha! Come back for the finale next time (yes, the next one is also the last) on the next airing of; 'I'm an absolute genius and I deserve a trophy for modesty!'**


	9. Chapter 9

**The final chapter of epical proportions:**

**Epic Epicness**

**This is the final chapter! Omg! I have sooo enjoyed writing this, and the reviews I've gotten. I hope you enjoy this final chapter as much as I did.**

**Howard's POV**

"Well done, rock child." Spoke the head shaman. "I am proud of you for conquering this force of evil. You" he turned to Vince "are destined to do great things. And you" this time he turned to me, and my heart skipped a beat. Nobody acknowledged me. "Are here to help him."

I was in a bit of shock. What happened to being killed?

He just laughed. "You seem a little shocked? It was a test!" he clapped his hands together. "You were meant to find young Naboo, you were meant to have the Fossil save you, and most of all, you were meant to come for Bollo." His eyes were twinkling, as he said again "I saw it in a vision"

Me and Vince looked at each other. This was obviously just some kind of joke.

"You're shitting me." Vince said. The head shaman just shook his head. "Hear that Howard, were heroes." He said proudly, sticking a thumb towards his chest. I suppressed a laugh at how foolish he looked.

"yeah, I suppose we are." I said in amazement. I had never had claim of being a hero before.

"all right, so what am I supposed to do?" asked a very pissed off Naboo.

**Bob Fossil's POV**

I don't know what came over me when I said it. Then again, half the time I don't know what I'm saying. "You can come to work at the Zooniverse! We could use a mystic for an extra attraction."

"Then Bollo can come back to the zoo and be a familiar! Genius!" cried an elated Vince.

**Saboo's POV**

Was I dreaming? I seriously just heard that Naboo was leaving the council and going back to that freak zoo?

I smiled to myself. I didn't want to ruin this moment. It was the best news I had ever heard. I was, for once feeling content.

**Vince's POV**

Best. Day. Ever.

I had a new friend, an old friend, and someone that was like a brother to me living right around the corner. Naboo and me really got on. Of course, me and Howard were BFF's, but so were Naboo and Bollo, so I didn't mind.

Life is better than ever now. I had that bit of magic I was looking for, and Howard was finally happy.

Where was Howard?

"Hey Vince" said a cheery Howard. We were quiet as we walked over to Naboo's camel- shaped mystic hut. I didn't understand the camel part, but it looked genius.

"Hey guys" said Naboo as we walked over, all of us smiling at our new found friendship. "Want some weed?" he asked, pulling up a small bag of cannabis.

"I got a bad feeling about this." Grunted a wary Bollo. We all laughed. I started thinking- me and Howard had been arguing before this, and now, we were better friends then ever. Then I realised:

However many dangers we face, however many adventures we take on, however many outrages we cause, we will always have each other.

As I said before, and I know Howard would agree:

Best. Day. Ever.

I feel amazing for writing this, and a lot of thanks to the great music of Hey Monday, which I listened to while writing this. I want to write a new story soon, but I haven't got any good ideas. Tell me if you have any in the comments. Come back for hopefully more on: 'I'm a total epic genius who should have a trophy for everything (including modesty) and I am always right!'


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